it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
