I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
