What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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