did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
