HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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