drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
