so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
