I cut my penus on the lid.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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