uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
