I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
