sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
