And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
