I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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