i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
