New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
