i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
