My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
