I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We don't watch enough power rangers
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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