So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
