I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
