I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
