Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
