I heard we made out
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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