hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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