Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
