Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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