dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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