This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just had sex on a roof
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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