Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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