Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
