How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
