If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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