i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
