hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
