Nicole vs. Life
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
