What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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