with your own penis?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
