Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
