I want to make a zoo with you.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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