I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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