I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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