how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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