He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
