Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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