his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Vodka?
Forever.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
