i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There r osticjed everywhere
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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