There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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