I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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