I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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