I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
