Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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