Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I can't put those talents on a resume
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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