you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
