he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
