two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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