I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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