take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
