like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
