Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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