They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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