Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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