I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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